Thursday, September 1, 2011

Three Unpaid Friends.

I made three unpaid friends during my last trip to Mali. That's right, three people who were not taxi drivers, waiters, guides, or others who I was in some way paying. This may seem trite but is actually quite a feat for a young woman traveling by herself in Africa on business. Not only is pretty much all of my time spent working with middle aged doctors (who don't really offer a lot of potential in the way of friendship) but my down time is usually in hotels where the choice of friends are either 1. No one because there are no tourists presently in West Africa 2. Western business men prowling for prostitutes or 3. well, prostitutes. And don't get me wrong, I love prostitutes... thing is they have better things to be doing with their time than chatting with me.

Furthermore, during my down time there is a complicated set of social dynamics to navigate. I would love to tattoo across my forehead "Please interpret my friendliness in a platonic manner" with a caveat saying "I don't have as much money as you think I do" and "I promise I'm not as different as you think I am" to enter every situation with a clear understanding but unfortunately, my forehead isn't that big.

So often my meager friendship-making attempts result in blatant disinterest or way-too-much interest. Now don't feel sorry for me, I'm not exactly crying myself to sleep- I'm actually just working my ass off and skyping my friends at home.

However, the stars aligned in Mopti. There were exactly three other people staying at my hotel and they weren't western business men or prostitutes. They were young Malian and Burkinabe dudes there for an internship at the regional bank. As the internet was only functional in a very small part of the hotel, we all spent a whole lot of time in close proximity.

Now I have to admit, I was wary at first. Especially because in true form, within 2 seconds of chatting the most friendly of the three asked me for my phone number, email address, and facebook name. I defended with an honest "I don't usually share personal information" and secretly patted myself on my back for not copping out. So things went well with some casual chatting whenever the connection failed (so hourly) and I officially had unpaid acquaintances.

The friend upgrade was due to another auspicious occurrence. There was another young Western girl in town and together, we made two-- and two meant we felt safe, buffered, comfortable and consequently, way more friendly. So I invited her to meet my then acquaintances and with the power of two, we upped the ante and went to watch their soccer game. I would never have gotten in a taxi with three dudes I barely knew in Mali if it weren't for having a buffer- a girl I could clearly communicate with, who would find the same situations sketchy, and who would be a getaway partner if things went in a bad direction. I am of course a little ashamed of this caution, but it is so.

And after having cheered for their soccer team while drinking water from a bag with a goat tethered two feet behind me, an unpaid friendship was born... and I did eventually share my facebook name.

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