Meetings meetings meetings

The format of meetings here makes me insane but I have slowly learned its benefit. The structure is set- there is no back and forth. You know how sometimes on television when the sitcom family has their little “family meeting” there is a banana or a candlestick that they pass around in order to give someone the right to speak? That is exactly how these meetings are run. Only one person has the right to speak and it is formally given to them by a meeting master. If you speak out of turn, you’re disdained.

So the presenter is allowed to present, with no elements of interaction at all with the audience. Then those with something to say (notice I didn’t say questions, rarely are the things they say questions) will raise their hand and their names will be written down in a list and then in that exact order they will be allowed to speak. If they do ask a direct question to the presenter (again rare, it’s mostly “commentary”) the presenter is not allowed to answer, but rather must write down the question so that when it becomes time for the designated “response time” they can answer it… or not, as it turns out.

So this “let’s have a conversation” and “Stop me at any time if there is something you don’t understand” stuff is just ridiculous here. I know, I tried it and it failed pitifully. Once you relinquish your imaginary banana, you can’t get it back until it is formally given to you. I tried to present one step of our procedures and then a list of questions to the audience specifically relating to that step and it just spiraled out of control—I couldn’t get the microphone back to finish my presentation. No words that followed my presentation related at all to the step I presented, or to the questions I specifically asked. You have to really say everything before you give up that imaginary banana or it’s all over.

Now here’s the silver lining. People respond to your presentation and it takes so long to get back to you that you really only have to reply to stuff you want to reply to. They will not get another chance to remind you to respond to their point- their banana time is over. So when someone has a particularly difficult comment or question, you can really just ignore it. And weirdly, everyone seems okay with this. As long as something is said, it’s over. Even if there isn’t really resolution. This kills me.