May I never again see any of the people who were behind me in line

I’m all about optimizing my travel procedures- in fact I give it an embarrassing amount of thought.  One thing I have not yet found the solution to is the perfect  travel-day outfit.  In my mind, the elements of a perfect travel outfit are:

#1  Appropriate for culture and weather in country of departure

#2  Appropriate for culture and weather in country of arrival

#3  Comfortable for sleeping on the plane

#4  Fancy enough that I don’t stick out in the business class lounge

#5  Not so fancy that if it gets lost/stolen/destroyed that I will be devastated

#6  Not requiring ironing/hand washing/ any sort of delicate care 


It’s a little bit of a tall order for a single outfit and I honestly haven’t made it work yet. 

I often ignore criterion 4 and rock the hoodie and yoga pants in the business class lounge.

In the summer when going from NY to West Africa, my go-to outfit is an empire-waist maxi dress.  It meets most of the above criteria assuming I throw a scarf over my shoulders when I get off the plane to satisfy #2.  It’s ideal for sleeping because the giant billowing skirt allows for all sorts of shifting and tossing and turning without the chance of a wardrobe malfunction.  However, a really important downside of the maxi dress is that you pretty much have to wear it with sandals, which means you have to walk barefoot through security.  And that is really, really gross.

Winter’s trickier because coats take up so much space they are best avoided unless they match every outfit and will never have to be packed in the suitcase.  Ergo no coats when departure city weather is cold and arrival city weather is hot (ie everywhere I go).

So I went a different direction for this trip, and it was pretty much a total fail.  I have this great wrap sweater that is jersey-ish so it’s comfy but sorta fancy looking so #3 and #4 are satisfied.  It works in NY and is warm enough to replace a real winter jacket for the two minutes I’m outside between my door and flagging down a taxi.  It can also be balled up and will never wrinkle.  I thought I was on to something here.  Yet again, this one failed hard at the security check.

I learned definitively that if your outer-layer looks at all like it is possible to remove, you will be asked to, regardless of how little you are wearing beneath.  “You’re going to have to take that off”  “Yeah, I’d rather not, I’m only wearing a little white camisole underneath”…[pause]… “you’re going to have to take that off”.

I think it’s supposed to be less creepy when they narrate exactly what they’re doing as you are being molested in a body search but that’s not really the effect when you’re standing in very little clothing with your arms and legs spread out and the angry woman says “now I’m touching the breasts with the back of my hand… now I’m going inside the rim of the pants” “I will keep going up your thigh until I meet resistance”. 

May I never again see any of the people who were behind me in line.

So add criterion 7- Easy for security checks- and the search for the perfect outfit continues.